Here at JGG Enterprises we take the process of hiring new employees extremely seriously. We weren't entirely sure of what to make of Candidate #1 as she walked through the door. Despite being short in stature we immediately recognized that there was an evil insanity radiating from every portion of this prospect. It was immediately determined that we would have to give her an interview we designed specifically to see how well she could keep this raging demon in check. Please review and comment on our question and answer session. We will provide our own analysis of each answer to hopefully give you sound insight on how to interpret these answers.
Question 1: What is your favorite ingredient?
Hummus: Freshly ground black pepper.
JGG:
Just like the taste, or the way it brings out the natural flavors of the food you apply it to?What exactly?
Hummus: The kick it adds to everything. it's kind of an underappreciated last touch.
JGG: Would you agree that presentation may be an even more underappreciated last touch?
Hummus: I think presentation is nice, but not necessary. I almost never think about presentation. It's extra exciting when your food looks good at restaurants, but you're not really thinking about it .5 seconds later when you're stuffing your face.
JGG: Do you think the fact that you don't care about presentation says something bigger about your personality as a whole?
(2 hour pause)
Hummus: It means i'm not shallow!!! That's what it says about my personality!
JGG Enterprise Analysis: While this answer shows a great appreciation for small details and a clear understanding of small nuances, we could not help but notice the lashing out when being prodded about her personality. This is perhaps a sign that she is indeed not truly in control of her own emotions, and that this internal demon is capable of appearing at any time.
Question 2: If you went back in time and HAD to change one thing about your life what would it be?
Hummus: I wouldn't meet JGG.
<...>
Hummus: Okay, once I cut my finger really badly on a pull-open can of soup and I bled like no other. That SUCKED. If I could go back to that moment and just STOP EATING CANNED COUP then I wouldn't be traumatized.
Two.
I made out with this guy on a hill watching fireworks once and he ended up being completely obsessed with me and was kind of psycho. So if I could go back to that moment and know not to make out with annoying psycho people that would be cool.
Sometimes I suspect I'm kind of an insane person when I'm single, a lot of guys end up hating me.
JGG Enterprise Analysis: A very revealing answer. We see a recognition that the candidate may truly be insane. Additionally, we see that the demon inside can make others turn psycho. However, perhaps a subtle hint was dropped that if ever the demon takes over the one weakness we may be able to expose to rid ourselves of this creature is canned soup. Also, we don't really appreciate the personal attack on our CEO, but let's keep personal issues out of this.
Question 3: What makes you talk to someone or maintain close friendships even when being far away from these friends?
Hummus: You can kind of tell with a friendship if it's one of two kinds, though sometimes people surprise you. There are the people who are fun to hang out with and you hang out with them/talk to them because you happen to be in the same place and it's convenient to be friends. Then there are the people that you really click with and you know will have your back through hard times. Usually before I leave a place I know whether someone is one or the other. It's not that I won't make an effort to keep in touch with the first group, but it usually ends up that I'll only stay in touch long term with the second group, and they also try harder but even if they don't, they tend to be the type where when I see them after a long period of separation, it's not awkward at all, you go back to being as comfortable with each other as ever and have a great time. Does that make sense?
JGG Enterprise Analysis: Too long didn't read.
....
Just kidding, signs of emotional recognition may mean that not all hope is lost in keeping the demon in check.
Hummus: Oh and I always regret buying an entire loaf of bread from whole foods. It always seems like a great idea, but I don't eat that much bread, esp as one person, but I love fresh crusty loaves of italian bread that are chewy and doughy on the inside, but usually most of it goes to waste and then I'm sad.
JGG: O______O
JGG Enterprise Analysis: Wait what?
Question 4: What is the meaning behind your name and is there a story behind how your parents chose it?
Hummus: So my dad really hates common names. He says that in Taiwan, people with common names are usually offspring of poor people because they aren't really educated enough to know better and my dad's name is really common, i guess, because he grew up poor. When I was born, they originally named me something else, I don't know if my parents came up with it or if my grandparents did, but then my dad was like "boo I hate that name, it's common" so when I was 2 they changed it to Hummus which is kind of a boy's name... my dad swears it isn't, but all my chinese class teachers have been surprised I'm a girl and if you google Hummus, it's usually a dude I think it means destined to succeed or something silly like that. Also it kind of screwed up the naming in my family, because usually families like to name kids names with the same syllable so if I had been Hummus originally all the cousins and siblings after me would've been hum-something. Because my name was originally something else the cousins born after me are named after that original name and then me and my siblings are hum-whatever so it doesn't match anymore.
JGG Enterprise Analysis: Very interesting and human story. However, what's with that evil laugh at the end. Also I thought Hummus was a middle eastern dish...?
Question 5: How can someone live through the entire 1990s remembering all of it and not know who Notorious B.I.G. is?
Hummus: I was too busy gawking at the backstreet boys and leo dicaprio, duhhh.
JGG: Not true, you've told me before you were never into actors. Boom.
Hummus: I live in a box? People rapped in the 90s?
JGG Analysis: That ain't right. What devilry is this...?
Final Analysis: While it is quite clear that there is a human side to this candidate we could not help but to notice a constant struggle to keep the demon from emerging. This candidate shows extremely high amounts of potential, but also a chance for the complete destruction of JGG headquarters. In the end, we leave it up to you the board to decide whether or not we will hire this candidate.
